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Saturday, August 22, 2009

tiny bathrooms and hey! a gig in Japan!

I am so tired.

Like, two-show-day tired.
Like seventh-show-of-the-week tired.
Like, I literally prayed that God would help me get through the finale in today's last show because I was just so doggone tired.

I know, you get it; I'm tired. Like, please move on.

Geez, tough crowd tonight.

Ahem.

So after my tiring seventh show (sorry, it just came out), I went with a few friends to listen to one of the guys from the Rent cast play an acoustic set at a small venue by our hotel.

And when I say small, I mean your great-grandmother's living room of the 5th story walk up flat when she lived in the Bronx. You know, you'd visit her in your Sunday best and eat a tiny T.V. dinner in front of a tiny T.V. and live for Sundays when the Ed Sullivan show would air.

Oh, that wasn't you?

Well anyway, the venue was small.

Like, venue is to small as I am to tired. And I only mention me being tired once again because I know you got that already and thought maybe using an analogy will help with you now getting how small the venue really was.

But anyway, I am in this small venue, listening to this guy play his great acoustic set basically in a living room with a bar attached to it, and suddenly my bladder feels so full. I try holding it for a while but, yeah, you can't just hold it forever.

I. Have. To. Go.

I look around for a bathroom and realize with horror that it is through this tiny door that is right where everybody is listening to the set. Not really removed at all. Just perfect.

But holding it any longer is no longer an option, so I head into the tiny bathroom. And right when I do, the guy ends his song and just starts quietly tuning for the next song.

Of course he does.

For all I know, the tuning could go on forever and since I stepped into the bathroom my need to go has gotten even worse. I think the bladder is sort of like a horse in that the closer you get to the stables, the faster the horse will go. Ah, only swap the stable for a toilet. And cantering for really needing to pee. Oh whatever, you know what I mean, right? You've felt the urge to go grow stronger with each step towards the bathroom, too?

That's what I thought.

Anyway, it's totally embarrassing because I just know that everybody can hear my own personal Niagara Falls and I might as well go stand next to the guy tuning his guitar and do it there, it's so loud and in the middle of everything. And since I had to go so badly and had held it up till then, it took forever until I stopped. I probably could have learned the Japanese language while I was waiting for my bladder to empty itself.

And what do you know, but the guy started his next song right when I finally did finish? It's all in the timing, isn't it?

Great, great, great.

I didn't even flush, I was so embarrassed. And I didn't want to remind people of my presence in the bathroom with more noises from within. Oh and if you even begin to suggest that I simply turn the faucet on to drown out whatever noises I was making, don't you think I thought of that?

I did, believe me. But lucky for me, the faucet was outside of the room with the toilet, so no good at all. Well, other than for washing your hands, I guess. But the cleanliness of my hands was not exactly what I was so preoccupied with at the moment, believe it or not.

So that was that.

Whatever, it's real life.

And a really good thing that came out of the whole experience other than me relieving myself to the entertainment of the masses and hearing some good music was that Clyde and I booked a gig there for next Saturday night. He walked right up to the management and got it done and we are both psyched to play in Tokyo. Also, there is this shiny grand piano there that I am just itching to play...

12 comments:

ClaudiaC said...

Well, Jess, you're not alone! I'm always needing to go to the bathroom every place I go. It can be very embarrassing to go so often. I don't think I ever been in your exact situation where everyone can hear me actually peeing, though. Good thing you didn't torture yourself and wait even more. I'm glad you took care of yourself, embarrassing or not! You go girl!!! (pun intended, :')LOL)!!!

Jessica Latshaw said...

ha! thanks, Claudia!

Michele said...

You make me laugh out loud Jessica! When I'm in situations like that, I just remind myself that everyone has to....(pee, burp, etc). Hope you pack the venue for your show! haha

Karenkool said...

Next time... if you're not so tired you may think of this... trying making really loud grunting noises and "passing gas" sounds with your mouth on your arm. And see if anyone is watching as you come out of the tiny bathroom. It'll be an experience not many would forget. Wink wink.

Have fun on that nice shiny black piano.

Jessica Latshaw said...

yes, Karen, you are totally right--if only I wasn't too tired to make those grunting noises!!! Next time I will hopefully have the energy to do that:-P

Michele--yes. true. it happens, right?! and it could have been worse!

peaj said...

Ha ha ha ha!

You're so funny! And tired.

really wanting to be semi anonymous for this post said...

I can't believe that I'm actually going to give you advice for this situation, BUT, when I know people are listening, it can be inhibiting. SO, I have created a small pile of toilet people to, uh, pee "into." It muffles the sound. And it's so rare that this technique needs to be employed, that you really don't need to feel guilty about the effect on the environment for the very occasional overuse of toilet paper. Because, in a way, you are being kind to the immediately near "hearing" public, and they probably appreciate it, and are avoiding disturbing the ambience.

kathiek said...

Too funny, Jess! Kudos on the gig!

r.w.t.b.s.a.f.t.: I am glad you corrected yourself in your post because the thought of you peeing into a pile of toilet PEOPLE to muffle the sound of peeing is just a little startling...I can imagine it's a rare occurrence...who would let you do that more than once?!! ;-]

back to semi anonymous in shame said...

kathie - that is the problem with commenting anonymously, you can't delete your post when you screw up, but you are right, I meant "paper" not "people". Jess, please don't pee on toilet people. That would definitely be bad manners in any culture.

Jessica Latshaw said...

toilet PEOPLE?!?!? HAHAHAHAHA!

When I first read that I literally imagine you taking these small white washable cotton dolls out of your purse and laying them in the toilet for such a time as this...HILARIOUS!!!!

I, for one, and glad that the typo was made--good stuff!!!

Karenkool said...

Haaahahahahaha!

wish in this case I was more anonymous said...

I would bet nobody has a patent on that yet. Brilliant.