it's a long long road sometimes

It's official.

And here's the proof.
My visa. For Japan.

FOR JAPAN!!!

And aside from the fact that I look exactly like my brothers in this picture, it's a teensy tiny bit exciting to look at it.

But I don't really want to go. I just hate the leaving home part. The last hugs, last words, the last last last...

I. Hate. It.

But still, it's traveling. Like, so exciting. Whenever I tell someone that I am leaving to work in Japan for a month they look at me like I told them that, I don't know, I just won the lottery or something. You know, something awesome. A dream. And then I feel like saying if it's so freaking fantastic why don't you go and I'll just stay home???

At dinner tonight I asked Drew if it was too late to reschedule. Something came up. Something like home. And Drew. And how much I need to be with him. So...yeah, I'm not gonna be able to make it.

Okay, just kidding.

I'll make it.

And to prove it, I have half a suitcase packed already with nearly 40 pairs of underwear inside, waiting to be worn in Japan. And no, not at the same time, smarty pants.

I know, I know, God has opened this door and all that. It's gonna be good. But right now--well, it's hard.

But I've been through it enough by now to know that there is grace for me, joy for me. Even all the way in Japan.

Wow. And that's not a sarcastic wow, believe it or not; I mean it, I am amazed by how God continues to bolster my heart, to encourage me, to help me to do it--whatever it is at the moment.

Even if it means doing it afraid, it doesn't end there.

So here's to anticipating some beauty that for some reason can only be found in Japan...and wading through the sadness in the meantime...

Now you'll forgive me for leaving--I have a mom and a few dogs on their way to wish me bon voyage, as well as a husband whose on his way back home after unexpectedly getting off from work tonight to be with me.

So really, who can be too terribly sad after describing their situation like that?