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Friday, June 19, 2009

peace

Drew.

Such a small word for such a big heart.
He's a lifeline to me.
A mirror that reflects me in a way that is far too generous.
He's not close right now, but he is, he is.
He's right here, safe in my thoughts, causing me to smile for a reason that to all the world is unapparent. He's the quick press of ten digits away; at work his voice is serious, his hey is a statement to let me know there are people around for whom and to whom he is responsible; in the car he is singing Jason Robert Brown or Coldplay or Seal and sometimes I hear a few of those notes as he answers and now he is free and happy in his jeep with the wheels that are taller than our nieces and nephews and he says hey with the promise of laughter in his voice; when he is home he is laying down, before sleep or right after, with a great orange cat mingling the sounds of purring with the soft tones of his voice as he calls me baby because now we are alone.

Or as alone as we're going to get with two phones and a fat cat purring noisily between us.

And I--

I am content.
I am not sure of a whole lot of things, but I think I have made a few good decisions concerning God and Drew and trying not to let my fear have the final word.

I think I have lucked into one of the best tribes on earth.
At least I'd think that if I believed in luck.

And though I find myself in all sorts of interesting places,
I can count on that tribe, my family and friends, to remind me of who I am.

And there is peace in all of this.
Lots of great gulps of laughter, too; but always, peace.

9 comments:

Mom said...

Ah, I love to hear these kinds of words. Yeah for Drew & Jess!

And to think, we all--the tribe-- love you even with your "fringe!"

kathiek said...

Beautiful post! God bless you, Jess.

Natalie said...

This was a lovely post, Jessica. The way you speak about those you love makes me smile.

In other news, I had my very own "scatting" moment earlier tonight. A friend asked me to perform "Superboy and the Invisible Girl" (along with two other friends) from next to normal at her graduation party. Easy, right? Well, uh, third verse, not so much. I got as far as "I wish I could fly/and magically appear and" ...and then I forgot the words. The next word was "disappear," which is pretty much what I wanted to do right then. I didn't manage to come back in until the next verse. It was terrible. Not nearly as terrifying as what you must have felt with the whole "birdie on the wing" incident, but I'm quite sympathetic!

d.homeslice said...

Oh no, Mom--I knew you'd not like the bangs!!!!!! Hopefully they'll be more presentable by the time you see me next week...;-)

Thank you, Kathie!!!

Natalie--I TOTALLY have been there (as you know)! I am so sorry you had to go through that but I am going to say that somehow, it makes us better and stronger.

Or something.

RIGHT?!?!?! ;-)

jason said...

Jessica, when did you start to refer to yourself as d.homeslice??

lindsay said...

jessica, this post is beautiful. the love in your life is evident.

Jessica said...

Jason--ha! I just noticed that now; my friend David borrowed my computer and apparently was signed in when I got it back--too funny!!!!

Lindsay--thank you:-)

Natalie said...

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? Alternately, what doesn't kill you...doesn't kill you.

I like to think that I'll never drop lyrics like that again, since now I know that panicked feeling and wouldn't care to have it come back.

Or, we could just condense all that. As Tzeitel would say, "Right? Of course 'right!'" ;]

Jessica Latshaw said...

Yes--the goal is to do things perfectly of course...But at the same time theater is made up of people and people just aren't always perfect...So, now I strive for my best all the time (and still hope it's perfect!!!);-)