Friday, June 19, 2009

my new fringe

Every once in a great while I stumble upon some wisdom.

And when that happens, I try to record it here.

You know, for posterity.

So when you get the urge to cut your own bangs, first ask yourself these simple questions:
  • Is it 2 am?
If so, it might be for the best to simply wait until the light of day brings a welcome dose of practical thoughts to hopefully overcome the impractical ones that reigned supreme during the night.
  • Is the only thing that I could possibly use to cut my bangs, short of the kitchen knife, a tiny pair of rusted fingernail scissors?
If the answer is a resounding yes to this one, you should probably simply leave the kitchen knife alone because let's face it, you don't cook, and pick up those fingernail scissors and give your...I don't know...your fingernails a good trim, erstwhile leaving your bangs alone.
  • Do you have any sort of training in hair styling whatsoever? Have you ever cut anybody's else's hair? Do you remember how horrible it was when your brother Jonathan played barber shop with you and lured you into a chair like a lamb to the slaughter, leaving you to sit innocently while he went to town on your head; when your mother saw the damage style she had to take the scissors and cut a tiny fringe on the top of your forehead making you look like some sort of homage to Fryer Tuck--do you remember that at all?
If the answer is no to the first two questions and yes to the last, then come on, put down those scissors and walk away.

Just walk away.
  • And finally, are you in a show and therefore have to literally be in a spotlight before thousands of people eight times a week and would really rather not research the accessibility of bang extensions in Minneapolis?
Well friends, I can tell you right now that extensions are expensive and you gotta save that coin. So if the answer is again yes, it's just not worth it.

Trust me, I know.

I unfortunately was not privy to this helpful list of questions last night and if I had been, things might have gone differently. The truth is that I impulsively went into the bathroom, grabbed those tiny scissors, and just started hacking away.

I thought it was a good idea, actually.

I am sure somebody felt the same way about M.C. Hammer pants at one point, too.

It took about three minutes and then I came out of the bathroom and sheepishly told one of my roommates that I think I might have cut my bangs too short.

He took one look and said, Yeah you did. Why did you do that?!?!

And I've been getting comments on them ever since. Not so many compliments, mind you, but comments.

And there's a huge difference.

Anyway, here I am.

Please note the crooked bangs. The too short fringe. The fact that I now look like a fifteenth century french man.


I know they'll grow back, but still.


Anything you've ever done impulsively and had to live with the embarrassing results?


beingawesome said...

quit school to try to be a rock star.

it's an ongoing process after 12 years.. with no real results yet.

that's the embarrassing part :)

peaj said...

My dumbness: Making jokes at other people's expense, in public forums. Not good.

Here's praying that you have miraculous powers of hair regrowth.

And really - bang extensions? Wouldn't have thought there was such a thing readily available. Did you have to get them?

Karenkool said...

I was embarassed once. As the PTO president, I responded to the school guidance counselor's email request for money by writing a snarky comment with the intent of forwarding it to my friend and partner in snark, but I accidentally hit reply.

All the reply said was, "yea... NO!" The word "no" was in super large, bold font, too. [sheepish grin]

Sorry about the bangs. You still look adorable and gorgeous. Your hair cutting tips were hilarious! I had a feeling that growing out your hair may bring on moments of impatience. People don't know how challenging that can be, do they?

James Ricardo The Actor said...

Your always beautiful no matter what! You can be bald, and that face, would still be stunning!

Jessica Latshaw said...

Rob--it seems to me that you are clothed and sheltered and fed and have friends; in short, that you've made what a lot of people would consider to be a good living. I wouldn't call that embarrassing at all!

Peaj--ha! No, I didn't have to get extensions (but how hilarious would it have been if I had??!!), but I am gonna try to eat lots of protein and grow my bangs back!

KK--ugh, that is terrible! But believe me, I've witnessed a whole lot worse with an accidental reply all on the web. Yours was super super tame;-)

JR--you are too sweet!!!! And what if I did show up to work bald; what would Ray do?!?!?!

jason said...

I was expecting it to look much worse. It really doesn't look bad at all.

jeanok said...

I'd love to get those "DCYB"--Dont Cut Your Bangs questions on a laminated bookmark or perhaps a plaque that I can hang in my bathroom...its quite the helpful tool. Or maybe a Big STOP sign in on the mirror with DCYB on it and a picture of my last attempt at it, I feel ya, once the ball gets rolling towards cutting your's pretty hard to stop.
maybe an alarm?....or bull horn?

Jessica Latshaw said...

Or maybe a picture of ME?!?!?!

Jessica Latshaw said...

And Jase--it DOES actually look pretty bad...I keep trying to style them differently, but there's nothing I can do but wait for them to grow...

Jonathan Latshaw said...

At least it wasn't me cutting your bangs! :)

jason said...

Next time you should let Buddy cut your hair.

Jessica Latshaw said...

Jonathan--this is true!

Jase--Buddy probably would have done a better job!

Michele said...

Oh Jessica, I'm sorry, I just laughed and laughed at that picture! Have you started drinking? Taking drugs? Was it really dark in the bathroom? You are just too cute!

peaj said...

I vote for bald. Bald would be amazing!

Jessica Latshaw said...

Michele--so glad I can provide you with some entertainment!!!!! ;-)

Peaj--I do love my pop, but I have my limits...!

beingawesome said...

well jess that's a nice smack in the face for the reality that I have it pretty good :)

sometimes you need that.. :D

Jessica Latshaw said...


I was not trying to be snarky or smack you in the face with my words! I was trying to tell you that you have nothing at all to be embarrassed about--that the measure of success isn't always as obvious as it may seem!!!

Sorry if I sounded like a jerk!!!!!

semi anonymous said...

I do this all the time because I am too impatient to wait for great clips to open. You would think I would stop there, but no, I did this to my son's hair not too long ago. Sigh.

Jessica Latshaw said...

Aw, your poor son! Does he get upset, or is he just accustomed to his lovely mom who sometimes just can't get him to the barber's chair?!?! ;-)

christian said...

Once, in elementary school, after getting my hair cut, I hopped out of the shower and decided my bands were still too long! So I cut them to the length I felt was appropriate. Unfortunately I didn't realize hair appears longer when wet. After during my hair I was horrified to discover my bangs were now non-existent and my hair literally was cut to my hair-line in the fornt.

semi anonymous said...

yeah, that's pretty much what I did to the little boy, what Christian described above. Fortunately he's still way too young to care. Sitting still is not his specialty, so he's lucky he doesn't look worse.