my new fringe

Every once in a great while I stumble upon some wisdom.

And when that happens, I try to record it here.

You know, for posterity.

So when you get the urge to cut your own bangs, first ask yourself these simple questions:

• Is it 2 am?

If so, it might be for the best to simply wait until the light of day brings a welcome dose of practical thoughts to hopefully overcome the impractical ones that reigned supreme during the night.

• Is the only thing that I could possibly use to cut my bangs, short of the kitchen knife, a tiny pair of rusted fingernail scissors?

If the answer is a resounding yes to this one, you should probably simply leave the kitchen knife alone because let's face it, you don't cook, and pick up those fingernail scissors and give your...I don't know...your fingernails a good trim, erstwhile leaving your bangs alone.

• Do you have any sort of training in hair styling whatsoever? Have you ever cut anybody's else's hair? Do you remember how horrible it was when your brother Jonathan played barber shop with you and lured you into a chair like a lamb to the slaughter, leaving you to sit innocently while he went to town on your head; when your mother saw the damage style she had to take the scissors and cut a tiny fringe on the top of your forehead making you look like some sort of homage to Fryer Tuck--do you remember that at all?
  

If the answer is no to the first two questions and yes to the last, then come on, put down those scissors and walk away.

Just walk away.

• And finally, are you in a show and therefore have to literally be in a spotlight before thousands of people eight times a week and would really rather not research the accessibility of bang extensions in Minneapolis?

Well friends, I can tell you right now that extensions are expensive and you gotta save that coin. So if the answer is again yes, it's just not worth it.

Trust me, I know.

I unfortunately was not privy to this helpful list of questions last night and if I had been, things might have gone differently. The truth is that I impulsively went into the bathroom, grabbed those tiny scissors, and just started hacking away.

I thought it was a good idea, actually.

I am sure somebody felt the same way about M.C. Hammer pants at one point, too.

It took about three minutes and then I came out of the bathroom and sheepishly told one of my roommates that I think I might have cut my bangs too short.

He took one look and said, Yeah you did. Why did you do that?!?!

And I've been getting comments on them ever since. Not so many compliments, mind you, but comments.

And there's a huge difference.

Anyway, here I am.

Please note the crooked bangs. The too short fringe. The fact that I now look like a fifteenth century french man.

Awesome.

I know they'll grow back, but still.

Dumb.

Anything you've ever done impulsively and had to live with the embarrassing results?