Jessica, as a professional musical theater actress, please tell us what your daily diet is.
I am so glad that you asked. Oh, you didn't? Wait--you think I wrote that to myself?! What?!?! Listen, regardless of who wrote it, let's not argue on this public forum and instead, why don't you just let me answer the question. Okay? Okay.
Sorry about that, guys...As I was saying, I am so glad that you asked. I mean, I was going to write a new diet book, but I figure I will first divulge my tip-top secrets here. To you guys.
Now don't you feel oh so privileged?
And what better way to tell you about the secret to all my success than to show you? As an avid blogger, I don't always ascribe to the saying talk is cheap, but for now, I'll go along with it. That's right, here is a picture of what now sits beside me on a ledge in our living room. Yeah, our living room. Who has time to get up and walk to the kitchen these days?
And it is all mine--not my roommate's. Ahem.
In case you didn't quite get it the first time, here it is again. And maybe I should add: Kids--don't try this at home. This will be consumed by a trained professional who is currently stationed in Detroit in the dead of winter, is far from home and husband, and may or may not be on her period. This is not recommended for those who do not have either the training or the special circumstances.
Okay, so the midol gives it away, I guess. And the tylenol pm is to combat the midol that is chock full of caffeine...I know, I know--she swallowed the spider to catch the fly, blah, blah, blah.
And the truth is that the cadbury eggs were on sale and the first ones I had seen this year so I bought four. Yes, four. You only see three because I already ate one (this isn't rocket science here, folks, just simple mathematics). And the milk duds are nostalgic for me because when I'd go to the movies with my family as a kid, we'd always get milk duds and popcorn. The fact that they are delicious is beside the point entirely. And the cream cheese frosting and chocolate cake mix are there because I am planning on making cupcakes for the cast. At least, my hope is to share them with the cast. If they don't actually make it to the theater, well, nobody will ever know the difference, I suppose. And the pretzels are there because I love sweet and salty food together...
And then I wash it all down with a few gulps of vegetable oil.
Kidding, people, kidding.
So really, I will not be eating all of this in one fell swoop. But I did think that under my particular circumstances, coupled with my ah, lunar cycle, that little pile of food is very cliche.
Just wanted to share.
Now excuse me as I enjoy one of my cadbury eggs. And I do mean just one.