Saturday, July 26, 2008


Okay, so my family has been somewhat, ah, preoccupied with sharks for as long as I can remember.  And not just any shark, mind you--great white sharks, to be specific.  I am pretty sure that my brother Jason was the one to start the whole obsession, but I think it's safe to say all of us have jumped on the bandwagon.   Jase has always been totally into sharks.  I mean, not in a creepy way, like he actually enjoys when they attacked or anything like that, but there was always something about them that he found mesmerizing.  Maybe it has something to do with their being some of the only animals left over from the cretaceous period (I don't think I made that up; I think they share that honor with crocs and alligators; they all have those same beady little eyes--terrifying).  Maybe it's the fact that they cannot be kept alive in captivity.  Maybe it's that they can eat you, or if given half a chance, they will eat you.  But anyway, they are fascinating.  

    Every summer, my family has gone to Bethany Beach and quite enjoyed ourselves in the surf.  However, my brothers, sister, and I are no dummies; we have always made sure that there is at least one person further out in the water than we are.  We affectionately refer to this person as shark bait.  That way, if there is a shark nearby, it would go for the decoy (shark bait), and give us time to get to the safety of shore.  That's the plan, anyway.  While I am on this topic, let me share a little gem of a shark joke that my oldest brother, Josh, came up with while we were in the water a few summers ago.  Picture all of us floating along, jumping the waves, keeping our boogie boards close while making sure that Shark Bait is still out there, and Josh starts in, Hey guys--what do you call your friend while he is getting eaten by a shark?  Um, terribly unlucky and in horrible pain?  we guess.  Nope, he says with a smile--Your chum!  Horrible, I know--but what can I say? Josh has a way with puns.  

    Alright, so here's another scenario--and this one just happened--tell me if you think this is weird.  So, a group of us from the cast have just ridden our bikes over the golden gate bridge and are now taking the ferry across the bay back to San Francisco.   One of the guys starts in on this story and says, You wanna hear something horrible I just heard? So, this father took his family out on a boat to see the walruses.  He was there with his kids and they were all excited to see them, when just when they glimpse them, a great white shark surfaces and literally eats one of the walruses in front of them!  Everyone was like, Ew, gross!  How terrible! and I finally piped up with, ...Actually...? I think that would be pretty amazing to see...I mean, I guess it'd be better if it happened to a walrus that had no family and maybe had already lived a full life, but still--to witness a shark eating a walrus?!?! That'd be a once in a lifetime thing!  After noticing their looks of shock and disgust at what I said, I was like, What--is that weird?  And they were like, YES.  Oh...

    Anyway, my friends have been making fun of me because I keep telling them that there are sharks here--tons of them.  They are like, it's too cold here for sharks--there are NO sharks here.  We finally found a little mural of a shark and they made me take a picture with the faux shark--and made it clear that this was the only shark I was gonna find here.  Well, I wasn't convinced.  So, I had to call in the big guns; Jase found me an article that stated in bold black and white that "many great white sharks have been spotted under the golden gate bridge..."  What'd I do with that article, you wonder?  Something that any sensible, mature adult should do--I posted it on my friends facebook wall.  I mean, I'm not one to quickly say I told you so, but still. Also, I talked to some locals on the bus here who told me that there are lots of great whites right around here--and get this!--that their breeding ground is nearby!!!!!  Whoa.  So, I did what I had to--I let all of my doubting friends know the truth.  What are friends for, right?

  So, during the show tonight, my friend, Jay, had a present for me. A shark pez dispenser.  Perfect.  


Peaj said...

Look out! It's about to chew your finger off!

If your friends let you walk a few paces in front of them, you know why - shark bait for the land shark.

Peaj said...

Wait - isn't that shark Bruce, from Finding Nemo?

This must mean something.

Tiffany said...

Jess, We love sharks, too! Shark week is coming up, I think it's on the Discovery channel. Programming all about sharks. YEA!

kathiek said...

Jess, I think it would have been pretty cool to see the shark eat the walrus, too! Folks gotta eat. I would just be glad it was occupied with the walrus and not coming after me!

Peaj, I think you're right, that pez shark does look like Bruce.

Pop said...

Amazing that you guys have so incitefully drawn the analogy between myself and the typical great white shark. This explains a lot. Just yesterday I was so tempted to attack and devour an enormous walrus. Now I know why.

Jessica Latshaw said...

Yes, you guys--it IS Bruce!

And pop, does this mean that mom has to somehow a find a walrus to cook you for dinner?!

Peaj said...


FYI: I am not a walrus.

jason said...

I think for pop "walrus" is a code name for "cinnabon."

Look up "air jaws" on youtube to see just how amazing great whites are. And YES, it would be amazing to see one eat a walrus! Are you kidding me!?

And here's how weird I am about sharks... I haven't quite made up my mind, but if I were give the choice to be attacked by a shark - knowing that I would survive without disability and only bearing a few scars - I think I would choose it, just so I could tell people about it.

But then again, I'm not sure.

And Ollie and I did see a great white in captivity. It was magnificent!

Mom said...

Hey, where's your blog for today? I actually change the day's date when I read a blog from you. Now I think it's still Saturday!

Jessica Latshaw said...

sorry about that--the internet was down last night!