happy 4th of July, though this is not about the 4th of July at all

             Here's some irony for you: I just finished writing an email to the Toonz Piano Bar.  On their website they are actively looking for musicians to contact them.  So, in an effort to be proactive and professional and a go-getter, I email them with all of the necessary information about me--I even include a link to my new music myspace site, so that they can listen to my stuff.  Oh, and I found this place after doing a google search for live music venues in San Francisco (which is where I will be for the next three weeks, starting this Monday).  Anyway, I include all my contact info, and then press send and return to their home page.  And this is when I notice that they are located in San Jose, not San Francisco.  I am no expert in geography, but I am pretty sure they are two entirely different cities.  Thanks, google. Thanks, a lot.  

            I was just listening to U2's song, Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own, and was suddenly comforted by it.  I think I can be introverted.  At least, I can certainly spend a lot of time by myself and not feel a bit saddened by it.  A lot of things I love to do, I do best alone--like write music, read books, listen to music, write, shop, walk or run, and choreograph. Because of this, I think I can go for a while without realizing that I really do need other people.  This may sound weird, but sometimes I can be lonelier in a crowd than by myself.  Alone, I am content with my thoughts; I am comfortable.  But sometimes I don't know what to say to people, sometimes I can feel like I don't quite fit in.  The piano, for instance, has always been an escape for me.  I can remember being at my parents' house and just playing and playing--until Jonathan finally came over and was like, Hey Jess, why don't you be a little social?  Why don't you say hello...

        A few weeks ago, some people from the cast was hosting a Tony's Party and there was a piano sitting right there, in plain sight.  I was not having a good time at the party--had to do a lot of fake laughing and pretending of ease--and I wanted to play that piano so badly, but I knew I had to be social...Still, the piano stood there like a mirage before me...

  So anyway, I was listening to this song and struck by the fact that there are people in my life who are invaluable.  I need these people, not because I don't know who I am without them, per se, but because their influence has helped make me who I am.   None of us are exempt from this basic need of relationships, even the introverts, I guess.  And it's good to be reminded of this from time to time.