Friday, May 1, 2009

old scary basement

She crept quietly out the back door of her apartment, immediately met by the strong odor of the mothballs that she thought she had already dealt with.

As the rickety wooden stairs gave way to cement and brick, winding their way down to the basement, she hesitated...
Wanting desperately to turn back, she stood at the threshold and tried to wriggle herself out of the grip of fear.
And the next few steps didn't reveal anything to give her any peace of mind. Be rational, she thought. You are not starring in a horror flick here, she reminded herself.

Really, what terrible kinds of things happen in old scary basements, anyway?

Um, a lot of terrible things...she replied to her mind and decided not to go any further with that particular train of thought.

So she faced the bottom level of her apartment building at 1 am all by herself and decided to change her tactic.
What kinds of good things happen in old scary basements?

To start, laundry.

Which is why she forced herself to go down to the sub level in the first place. Having successfully avoided it for the entirety of her stay, she was now down to her last pair of underwear.

And there is a reason that they are her last pair of underwear, if you know what I mean.

Breathing a sigh of relief after quickly scanning the room for a life size clown and finding none, she started the mundane task of sorting clothes and found comfort in the normalcy of it.

For some reason monsters and other such devilry just do not seem as imminent when one is pulling apart tangled up underwear and matching socks.

And as fate would have it, this girl lived to tell about not just one trip down to the old scary basement in the wee hours of the morning, but three.

Did I mention she was all by herself?

And not only does she live to tell about it, she can live to tell about it while wearing clean underwear and socks.

And she got away with not having to wear her last pair of underwear (which, if you remember, is her last pair for a reason, if you know what I mean) for another month at least.

Here's hoping there are no forthcoming trips to any old scary basements in your future...


kathiek said...

I don't know which is scarier, the basement or the last pair of underwear (if you know what I mean)! ;-] Too funny!!

Jessica Latshaw said...

yes, I know EXACTLY what you mean (having recently faced both!).

peaj said...

I wonder - what if you bought new underwear and made that your last pair of underwear, retiring the old, sad underwear (thanks, old soldiers, but you've done your duty, etc.)? 'Cause, you know, your lifeboat should be the best, most well-maintained part of your ship, right? Would you never do laundry again, because your last pair of underwear was too nice?

Just wondering. I admire your ability to push past the awful smell and the fear of clowns to do terrible domestic chores. For the good of humanity.

Mom said...

Seriously, Jess: nothing is important enough to go into a very scary (I SAW the photos) basement at 1 AM all alone! At least in movies, you have the scary music that starts in the background so you then know something terrible is about to happen.....but real life doesn't have that benefit!

I know there's no authority here.....but please, stay out of scary basements when you are all alone. Just go ahead and buy tons of underwear and socks.

Poop said...

Hard to distinguish, isn't it, between irrational fears and the fear that the experts say is your "gut's" warning that there truly is something dangerous out (or down) there? I remember as a kid of about 8 often riding my bike home at night (about 10 PM) from a friend's house. I flew down those small-town streets, terrified of monstrous evils lurking in adjoining alleyways. Of course nothing ever got me because nothing was there...but it could have been, right?

Pop said...

I'm not really named "Poop" though I've been called worse...

Nina said...

Jess, Chicago has at least one laundromat/bowling alley/bar (or at least it used to). That option seems a lot more desirable than multiple late-night trips to a creepy basement.

Jessica Latshaw said...


Pop, did you accidentally call yourself poop?!?!?!?!?!?

jason said...

Pop really double dog dissed himself!!!

John D. said...

Hey Jessica! I just want to say I saw A Chorus Line for the first time ever a few weeks ago in Chicago and I recently caught it a second and third time... It's a phenomenal cast and show that keeps me coming back for more.

I also love reading your blog. Your writings on the city of Chicago makes me happy, yet leaves a bittersweet feeling, as I will be leaving this wonderful city I have come to love, and moving to St. Louis. I hope you enjoyed the city for a few weeks as much as I have living here for a mere 7 months...

Anyways, I just wanted to say thank you for entertaining me for these past weeks, and maybe I'll see you at The Fabulous Fox in St. Louis at the end of the month! ;)

Jessica Latshaw said...

Hey John!

Thanks for your kind words and seeing my show THREE TIMES!!! (I think the only person I know who has seen it more than that is my sister, Jenna) You rock!

And yes, this city is truly awesome and how great that you have gotten to live here for 7 months (though sad that you have to leave now).

Thanks for stopping by...and yes, hopefully we will run into each other in St. Louis!!!

Jessica Latshaw said...

Mom, what do you mean--"there's no authority here"?!?!

YOu will always be my mom!!!!!

And Nina, yes that does sound like a better option...

Peaj--even if I buy more underwear, that will only prolong getting to my last pair. There will always be a last pair, and it will always be the pair that I least like, i think.

John said...

Hi Jessica!

I unfortunately didn't get to try that amazing salad you recommended in Pittsburgh, which makes me sad.

However, when I commented I mentioned possibly seeing you guys in Cincinnati and that is also not going to happen're coming to my city!

So I will see you in Louisville, KY in October (that is, if you're still in the show).

I have wanted to see ACL for so long and I'm so jazzed that it's coming to Louisville.

Jessica Latshaw said...

Hey John--It's funny because I was just thinking about that salad yesterday!

And yes, I will absolutely be in Louisville--so psyched that we will be coming to your city and that you finally get to see the show!

Thanks for saying hi;-)

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