Monday, May 4, 2009

um, a typo? really?

Typos really bother me.

Which is the one thing about the iPhone that I don't love. With that slick little touch phone feature, it's super easy to turn the word explanation into ezolamation.

See what I mean?

Or the little words--like up and okay and in and at--sometimes they end up turning into yo and play and on and are, changing the very meaning of the text in the first place. And suddenly whatever joke I was making not only is not funny, but now makes no sense, and everybody knows it kills all the humor of a joke if you have to explain it.

But of course without those typos, the joke would have killed.


Actually, the other night I was trying to download the iPhone app that enables me to send all those funny pictures with my texts (you know, to make my killer text jokes even more hilarious), but accidentally downloaded the typing genius app instead.

Please don't ask me how this happened because I have no idea.

At first I was completely bummed because after thinking that the humor of my texts were getting amped to the superior level that involved cartoon pictures, turns out I was unintentionally nerdified by my new app that allowed me to practice my typing skills with the help of all different exercises, thankyouverymuch.

Now that I think about how much I hate typos, however, actually utilizing that app might not be such a bad idea after all.

However, all of that is not why I started this post about typos, believe it or not.

It has more to do with my brunch yesterday, before the show.

It was my friend Gabi's last show, so a few of us had a little brunch in her honor at a restaurant across from the theater. Now breakfast is one of my favorite meals to eat out, and I was perusing the menu wishing that I could participate in the meal with abandon, while realizing I could not.

You see, I did have to wear a leotard in just a little while.

So bypassing my absolute favorite french toast, I looked for something a little less filling...Perfect, I thought as my eyes landed on the last item on the menu:

Irish Oatmeal with streusel and brown sugar on top.

It cost 4.95 and was worded just like that. It's important to realize this, and you'll know why later.

I ordered my oatmeal and a bowl of strawberries and waited for my food to come. Actually, I ordered my oatmeal and a bowl of strawberries twice, since after the first guy took our order, another waiter came by. It's just that Manuel doesn't exactly always get things right, if you know what I mean, he explained. So I'd feel better hearing your order myself.

Poor Manuel. But that's not the point.

After what was a pretty long while to wait for our food, they brought it to us. Well everything except my oatmeal, at least.

I asked Manuel if it was coming soon and he told me he'd go check. I couldn't help but hope that this was not one of the things that Manuel didn't get right.

The manager then came to our table for the customary, How is everything, ladies?

Glad you asked, I thought, and then told him about the missing oatmeal and asked if I could please have it soon.

Oatmeal? he said.
Yes, I answered.
We don't have oatmeal, he countered.
But your menu says you do, I reply. Irish Oatmeal. With streusel. And brown sugar, I specified.
Maybe granola...? he suggested.
No, I stood my ground. Irish Oatmeal. With streusel. And brown sugar, I reiterated.

He left and my friends ate their food.
The waiter who didn't trust poor Manuel came back.

Do you know anything about my oatmeal? I asked him.
His voice got soft and he started speaking quickly, About that oatmeal...It seems there was some sort of computer glitch...

But he was saved from any further exposition by the appearance of the manager again.

We don't have oatmeal, he said, this time with confidence.
But your menu--I started in, but he cuts me off, That's a typo.
A typo? I repeated incredulously.
A typo, he said with finality, leaving no room for questions.
So should I order something else, then? I said.
No, we are making you oatmeal, he said flatly.
Oh, so you do have oatmeal! I exclaimed.
No, we don't, but we are making you some, he corrected me.
So you don't have oatmeal but you are making it for me anyway? I said, just making sure.

And with a curt yes he walked away.

I did eventually get my oatmeal, but there was some shady business going on, folks.

First of all, what kind of typo is Irish Oatmeal with streusel and brown sugar on top? I mean what other words could that possibly resemble? A typo is when my sister wrote The Indians were pushed farter and farter away in her second grade report, giving my whole family a good laugh. Uh, about the word farter, not that the Indians were pushed away, in case you wondered. But the Oatmeal thing seemed pretty deliberate. Let alone, the whole Irish, streusel, and brown sugar part.

We finally came to the conclusion that they must have meant shmoatmeal and I was asked more than once how much I was enjoying my shmoatmeal. We also commented on how silly they must feel for writing oatmeal instead of schoatmeal, but hey, at least it's a pretty common mistake.

And really, editor's can't catch everything.

And second of all, there's the whole no we don't have oatmeal but yes we're making it for you. Um, what? Did they wave a magic wand? Did they sneak out the back door to the corner Starbucks, order their perfect cup for 1.99, and dump it into the fancy porcelain pot in which they served it to me?

I have many questions which I fear will never be answered.

But a typo?

I think not.

Rather, I think that the waitstaff was getting farter and farter away from the truth, if you ask me.


sherri said...

First, let me get a couple of things out of the way.

I want to thank you for wishing my friend Annie a Happy Birthday on her site. That was very sweet.

Secondly- you are a cutie patooie and I'm very jealous of your little body.

Thirdly- I loved reading your post, and I became a follower today. Yeah, I'm pretty easy that way.

And lastly- I'm KNOWN for my typos (because I type really fast and visit/comment on WAY too many sites and rarely check before hitting send). well, that's my story anyway.

But I swear I have never offered oatmeal on my site and later called the offer a 'typo' when someone tried to get me to mail it to them.

I would never...

Anyway, I'm glad I found your site.

Jessica Latshaw said...

Hi Sherri!

THank you for your sweet words and let me make one thing clear--I don't hate other people's typos so much, I just try not to send some of my own.

Probably I am a little OCD or something...;-)

And I hope your friend had a great bday!!!

Mama Bear said...

I eat breakfast with a group of friends once a month at Bob Evans and I always order this Carmel Mocha Coffee (yes it is as good as it sounds). But last time I went they brought me 3 other drinks instead of my craved Carmel Mocha Coffee and then told me that no one there knew how to make it so I couldn't have it. Keep in mind that I have ordered this multiple times and really only go for that drink, I mean really what else does Bob Evans have to offer me.

Jessica Latshaw said...

They should have at least given you a crack at making it for yourself!!! What a disappointment--I know exactly how it feels to anticipate something delicious only to be told that it was not available.

And...I've CRIED about it.

Yes, it was a pretty emotional day for me, but still...Pathetic, I know..;-)

Jessica Latshaw said...

had to share the most recent typo that I came across--an email to the whole company from our stage manager, Ray Gin, but he accidentally signed it

Rat Gin

And yes, it MADE MY DAY!!!

Anna K said...

I am thinking, as a sometimes book editor, that perhaps it was intended to be "Irish oatmeal streusel with brown sugar on top." But I don't know why they wouldn't have just clarified that...or brought you a streusel rather than nothing.
I admire your patience with Manuel.
And I noticed and giggled at that email sign-off too, even though he's my boss.

Nina said...

Guess you should have just ordered the French toast!

I have to say I got a real kick out of your sentence that says "editor's can't catch everything." That's a pretty funny typo.

kathiek said...

I'm farly curtain ghat was nit a hypo, Jeds.


peaj said...

Darn, Nina beat me to the "editor's" typo thingamabobber.

Sometimes, when someone says that they "made" something, rather than just cook it, my family and I spin this fantastic tale of all that they had to do to "make" the item in question. I think that can apply to this situation:

They don't have oatmeal, but they made it. See, they planted the oats, and weeded them, and watered them, and then harvested them. Then they built a gristmill out of some large rocks and a broomhandle, and then ground the oats into meal. Then, finally, they could cook it. So it took a little time.

But I love the shmoatmeal invention. Really, what else could it be?

Emily said...

I would have been a bit wary of eating whatever they eventually brought you... oatmeal that was created from something else back there in the kitchen... was it any good? Was there streusel?

Karenkool said...

I would have enjoyed being a fly on the wall... or in the shmaotmeal--either way.

jason said...

The best typo EVER was when Josh wrote a note to mom and pop that said "That you for all the time and love you incested in me." Ugh!

Jessica Latshaw said...

and let me correct YOUR typo, Jase--he said THANK you for all the time and love you incested in me...

But you are right--that was a really good one!

Nina said...

I believe you guys are right (I almost just typed WRITE)...Josh's typo is the funniest ever.

And that you mention it, I'm sure it was deliberate. I'm a little slow on the uptake, I guess.