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Sunday, September 7, 2008

unsettled

        Ever since my recent rehearsal where I was basically told to take everything that I have been doing with my monologue for the past 5 months and throw it out the window, I have been feeling a little uncomfortable. A little unsettled. 


       Lately, I wait for those words, Okay, Kristine, and I suddenly find myself the focal point of 3,000 people with not much of an idea of what, exactly, I am going to do.  I mean, sure, I know my lines cold, but the blocking is anyone's guess right now, even mine.  This is, I supposed, a little exciting, but lately it has been feeling like I am forced to rehearse in front of 3,000 people.  The good thing is that Kristine is supposed to be completely ill at ease, supposed to be a nervous wreck, so I am not far off at all. The sad thing is that Jessica, the actress, is not supposed to be completely ill at ease, not supposed to be a nervous wreck, and right now...well, I sort of am. 

   It's just not comfortable.  It's much easier doing something that is rehearsed, something that I have done a million times...But, at the same time, my friends in the show--whom I trust--have told me that what I am doing right now is working and honest and real and hitting the mark.  So this is when I just have to believe what people tell me above what I feel.  

  But it's not fun to feel this way.  Hopefully I will hit my stride again soon.  

   Tomorrow we have two more shows, then John and I jump in a shuttle to catch a red-eye to Philadelphia.  And I can tell you right now that it's not the Liberty Bell that I am excited to see... 

4 comments:

Mom said...

1 day and counting!

Are we able to see you on Monday night?

I'm sorry about you being unsettled. A few days rest may help get your perspective back.

Can hardly wait!

kathiek said...

I hope you are able to come to terms with this, Jess. I was wondering, though (and I realize I have no experience with this, so if I just don't know what I'm talking about, please forgive me), that this may be exactly what was intended by this change. You said your friends are all saying you are hitting the mark and your performance is honest; maybe the powers that be wanted to shake you up a bit, just to keep things fresh and real. Having seen you in action, albeit in other things and on a much smaller scale, I cannot imagine you needing that, but again, I have no experience in this. I could imagine, though, that if people are doing the same thing again and again for a significant length of time there could be the possibility of it becoming routine and, in order to keep that from happening, changes might be made. Even though you feel uncomfortable and ill at ease, Jess, you are good enough at what you do to take that and use it to your advantage, especially since that is in keeping with Kristine's character, as you said. Or, maybe you just need the perspective that some rest will give you, as your mom said. In any case, I hope you have a wonderful visit home and you are able to recharge your batteries, as it were, by spending some time with your family!! God bless you, Jess.

merry said...

drat, I might have to work tonight. frowny face.

jason said...

I'm unsettled at the lack of posting on this blog!