church. Kind of.

     Tonight was one of those performances where we are left to wonder on stage if maybe the audience is just cardboard cut-outs; like maybe they are shooting one of those Verizon commercials in our theater during our show and so that is why every one of their faces is stone-faced and silent as the grave.  

   Or (said the tiny, terrible voice from a very bad place) maybe we just suck.  

   Nope, in an effort of self-preservation, I am going to have to go with the cardboard cut-out theory.  

   Another contributing factor to the quietness of the house has been that we haven't been selling here as well, for some reason.  When there are less people in the house, they tend to have less enthusiasm, making it harder for us to know if they really like it or not.  

   I am not sure if audiences realize this, but their presence and participation--or obvious lack thereof!--make a huge difference in a show.  If they are with us, enjoying us, feeling for us, "getting us," then we feel it and it electrifies the show; their effort is symbiotic and literally acts as a jolt of energy, giving life to our text, our movement, our song.  

  Tonight, the audience was nowhere to be heard or felt--though, I could see them, so I knew they were there.  At the very end of the show, when the lights were fading out, there was a sad silence...My friend John broke the silence by saying in a tone of disgusted disbelief quite loudly, to anyone who would hear: They're NOT even clapping!   And well, they weren't. Which is probably why we needed some uplifting, a little cool water for a dried out soul.  A time of circle-sitting connectedness, where the deep thinkers can let their thoughts go adrift and land kindly on a friendly soul.  A time where there is no judgment, but lots of helping love as people try to point out to others where they are and in the next breath where they hope to be.  

   It was time for a little church.  

  Or a shabbat, or whatever you want to call it.  Though really, it was a Thursday night and sadly none of us are Jewish.  But just like the last time, the idea was to get together, share our thoughts about our spiritual journeys, our inspiration, our faith for today and all the looming tomorrows.  And honestly, it enlarged my soul.  

   I heard many truly uplifting prayers, meditations, thoughts, and recitations.  I shared something I had written here, The Better Story and could feel myself relax and my spirit settle in as I was simply myself, sharing a part of my inner thoughts with friends.  

   It was so special, this night.  My dear friend Emily, who has been putting these shabbats together, said something so valuable to me, a gift in words that I hold so dear.  She told me that meeting me, becoming friends with me, has helped her break down the walls against Christians that she had been carrying around; that she had never met a person who was so committed to their path of faith, yet so non-judgmental towards others in the same moment.  Another sweet friend, Kevin, also echoed that sentiment, saying that he had never met a Christian like me.  

  This is not at all to brag, or say that I have the corner on something special.  Goodness knows that life is often humbling, that I stumble more than I stand and stay content with my thoughts when I should be speaking...I also have learned so much from my friends here,  and will continue to do so, I am sure.   And I thanked them--for not judging me, or calling me a prude, or allowing our differences to cause a division between us.  They give me grace, they truly do.  

  And no real special allowances for me either, Christian or not.  In fact, one friend calls just about everyone a B***CH, and he means it in a totally friendly, un-abusive way.  However, some of them have amended this for me, and now affectionately refer to me as a wholesome b***ch. Thanks for that, guys;-) 

    So tonight was a mix.  A little soul-sucking from an audience that seemed to have better things to do than appreciate some hard-working actors, let alone laugh at just one or two of their antics, and then a little church-like activity and sharing.  And I gotta say the church won out in the end; I hardly remember the soul-sucking and I am now getting to bed feeling peaceful and full of grace.  

   And it's a nice feeling to sleep on, I think.