Thursday, April 23, 2009

fanny pack

There's a huge thunderstorm crashing around outside my apartment. It sounds like God has taken out every pot and pan in his kitchen and is banging them together in mischief.

I am really hoping he is not making chili.

I actually watched a little bit of tv tonight. I have been here for a week and a half now and finally just learned how to turn the thing on. If you didn't know, I am not tremendously into watching television. I have always felt like it has the potential to rot your brain and suck part of your spirit out.

Although, don't get me wrong--there are some shows I love, but they generally tend to be the kinds that do not rot my brain and steal my spirit. At least, it hasn't happened yet. Here's hoping that it's not the kind that does it so slowly you only realize it's happened after you've lost the ability to form full sentences and think deep thoughts. Because then it might be too late.

This is why I always marvel that people fall asleep to the television. Whoa. What if something terrible comes on in the middle of the night and you are not conscious enough to turn it off or at the very least turn the channel? You might be unknowingly watching The Jerry Springer show every night and this may explain your sudden demand for your father to get a paternity test because even though you undeniably have his nose you are wondering if maybe your real father is your uncle. And if your uncle is really even a man at all.

Or worse, you could be subject to a whole retinue of those local commercials in which the owner of the furniture shop can't afford to actually hire an actor and so screams at you through the lens about his latest blowout that only lasts through this weekend, adding sudden jabs into the air in your general direction for good measure and all the while causing you to wonder what you ever did to make him yell at you like this?

He calls it salesmanship, you call it abuse.

Actually, I usually call it funny.

Especially if you can tell his family are the other actors involved. Who needs to pay for extras when your wife did all the hard work of bringing them into this world? Sheesh, after that, they owe it to you to be an extra, especially when you consider Little Timmy's lengthy hospital stay. And no, they will be getting no royalties but they do get to eat food at your table every day and get to go to school, so it's more than fair.

Actually, my last tour had me and my friend Betsy scouring the tv for the very best local commercials. Really really loud? Really really good. Large neon letters spelling out the location surrounded by keywords like MEGA or ONE TIME ONLY or even NO CREDIT, NO PROBLEM!!! (and ah, actually that is a problem, fyi) just amps the commercial up to awesome.

But to each his own, I suppose.

And back to tv, Drew and I have been watching Burn Notice whenever we can (read, whenever we happen to find ourselves in the same city). And well, there's this...(and I hesitate to use this title because of the negative connotation that instantly goes with it, but here goes)...fanny pack that one of the main characters, Fiona, wears. I like to call it a belted purse, but then again, it really is a fanny pack.

It actually looks really cool on her plus it has the added benefit of having your shoulder completely free, as you can see here.
And today while I was carrying home groceries and constantly having to stop to readjust my purse after it had slipped off of my shoulder for the 12th time in two blocks, I kept thinking about Fiona's cool fanny pack and how much it would really come in handy right about now.

So, I am thinking of getting one and trying to rock it. Any thoughts on this? Would you rock a fanny pack? Especially if it looked like this one?

It actually might just be worth it in order to hear someone say, Hey, cool fanny pack!


jason said...

That is no ordinary fanny pack. It's more like something an elf in Lord of the Rings would be carrying arrows in. I'd rock it.

The Husband said...

I'd rock two of them, one for each fanny cheek.

Jessica Latshaw said...

Uh-oh, you said elf--now I gotta get it!!!

Maybe for my birthday...(hint, hint Drew)

Jessica Latshaw said...

and drew, if you ever write "fanny cheek' on this blog again, I might have to blacklist you.

The Husband said...

Fanny. Cheek.

Jess said...

*clutches her pearls*

You didn't...!

jeanok said...

I use my fanny pack when gambling and shopping at Ross, which prompts hubby to ask
Is Grandma ready to go shopping?
Does Grandma wanna go to the casino?
haha maybe I need to find a cool one like in pic.

kathiek said...

Gabrielle Anwar's fanny pack looks very cool...though I doubt there is much she wouldn't look cool in (I think that would be true of you, too, Jess)...I think being slim helps. I think I have too much fanny to rock that look, I don't know that I need anything else to add to that area.

I LOVE Burn Notice!

Jessica Latshaw said...

I think you could rock it, Kathie--and glad that you love BN too!

Tiffany said...

This Life in Writing

I am a whale with a hat.
I wear a stylish fanny pack.
I come from closets with moth balls,
Hopyards and hooligans,
Peanut butter and jelly,
Serious ferris wheel rides,
And rubber sharks.
What don’t you like in your chili?
Step, kick, kick, leap, kick, touch.
We have no hours.
We’re never open.
We’re always closed.
Are you crying because I’m splashing you?
Or are you crying because I’m leaving?
All you need is love
And Art Work in Progress
And Free Hugs.
Green is loading.
Can I get a woot-woot?
Can I get a wah-wah?
Turn, turn, touch, down, back, step, pivot, step, walk, walk, walk.
I wish I had a medicine for everything.
A plan for you, a plan for us all.
Shipwrecked here on Christmas Eve.
I miss you,
The salad and a few other things.
Excuse me, sir!
This is a woman’s chorus!
Turn, turn, out, in, jump, step
I’m probably not going by way of tsunami.
(You can’t make this stuff up, people.)
Eat a hamburger and call me in the morning.
Confessions of a messy girl:
Delaware punch, chicken and waffles,
Pink electric toothbrush, manatee excursions,
A moving curtain, and sparkle motion.
A beautiful sentiment.
This is a theater town.
She said yes.
You hair feels dirty.
What kind of shampoo are you using?
The glory of God.
The music and the mirror.
Please take this message to mother for me
Carry it across the blue sea
Are you a skater?
Are you a skier?
Attached is your photo with a seal.
Planes do eventually touch down.
Even when… Chewbacca is dead.
Don’t judge…
Whatever it is…it will be called
A Chorus Line.

Tiffany said...

it's sort of choppy and not fluid enough as of now...

but here is your promised poem :-p

Natalie said...

*blushes* Been there, done that. I ran out of hands, and it seemed like the best option. No funny looks, but no compliments, either. I agree with Kathie, though, you could totally rock one.

And as for Burn Notice? Uhh, I have a frisbee that says Burn Notice on it (but that's a story for another day), but that's about the extent of my knowledge of the show.

laura said...

I love it, but I also saw Carrie sport the fanny pack in Sex in the City. I bought a cute little one with a bunny on it before I went to Greece. it!

Betsy said...

we saw some pretty amazing commercials out there! get a fanny pack and rock it!! i got one in korea... although i haven't rocked it since disneyland :(

Mama Bear said...

If you are going to go fanny pack - just go all out and go trailer! I think you are cool enough to rock this too!

Jessica Latshaw said...

TIffany--that poem is amazing!!!!!!!!!!

maybe even better than a fanny pack;-)

Jessica Latshaw said...

Jeanok--I love that you shop at Ross with your fanny pack!

Natalie--well, I happen to love frisbee, too--so though you don't know about Burn Notice, but you DO have a frisbee, we've got that in common;-)

Laura--a fanny pack WITH a bunny?!?!? I didn't think it could be done, but the fanny pack can apparently be made even better.

Bets--I well remember your fanny pack and how you wore it with such aplomb!

Jamie--thank you for the suggestion!!!

Jessica Latshaw said...

and I wonder if ACL would travel the hipster for me...;-)

FirstinFreedomJoshua said...

Can anyone guess why these totes are not called Fanny Packs in England? Five bux to first one to guess..

Jessica Latshaw said...

My guess is that for some reason the words "fanny pack" are offensive to the British.


Amanda said...

I think you could totally pull off a fanny pack. You make the short hair look cool... why not a little waiste purse?

Many blessings-

Jessica Latshaw said...

thanks, Amanda! That's sweet;-)