Friday, October 23, 2009

yep, this is what I thought was worth mentioning.

I am tired.

It's late.

And I might have just spent all of my creativity on the guitar during the past few hours.

But there are a couple of things worth mentioning right now. One is that I think security check points at airports should also be equipped with something to neutralize overly strong perfume. Because who wants to be trapped in a small compartment thousands of feet above land with the latest knock-off to whatever fragrance Fergie is currently marketing? And really who believes that any of these people--Britney, Jessica Simps (as P!nk would say), J.Lo--has much to do with the actual creation of their perfumes anyway? Doesn't that involve scientists in white lab coats who know something about formulas and the way these scents mix with those scents?

So, along with throwing away your bottle of water, making sure any liquid, gels, or other such substances are no more than three ounces and also stored securely in a plastic bag that somehow keeps everyone on the plane safe from those terrifying three ounce bottles, there should be a chamber of sorts for those who think, Only thing on my agenda today is a flight to Saskatoon--since this perfume bottle is just above 3 oz. I'll pour the WHOLE THING on my head and make sure not a drop is confiscated at security.

But little did they know about the newest anti-terrorist policy enacted in 2009. The Perfume Neutralizer. Maybe it's a powder, maybe it's a hose they walk through just like you did when you were a kid and it was August and your parents didn't have a pool either because weren't the dogs and cats and woods and stream enough? You seriously think you need a pool, too? When I was young a piece of bread was my dessert and I played racquet ball with my dog for entertainment and now you want a pool?!?!

And just for the record mom and pop, the dogs and cats and woods and streams were totally enough. And thank you.

But whatever the actual method the Perfume Neutralizer employs, everybody breathes easily in the plane because of it.

Couldn't it just be an addendum to the Clean Air Act? Wouldn't that be a good kind of pork barrel spending?

Oh, and one more thing worth mentioning.

Canada is absolutely lovely but it's dry as a bone here. And not just any bone, either. A bone that has been left out in the sun for weeks and even the marrow has dried up. Really, how do our lovely Northern neighbors even manage to keep skin over their dry bones? I put lotion on and the next moment, it's like it never happened at all and the only reason I know for sure that it has is because my tube of Aveeno is now almost empty.

But you wouldn't know it from my skin.

I need some moisture all up in here, folks.

Tonight I used some heavy-duty stuff provided by a friend and I am hoping it will put a dent in this dryness.

We shall see.

One last thing, promise.

We weren't sure what kind of audience we would have tonight here in rural Saskatoon, but they blew us away. They were wonderfully and appropriately vocal and right there with us from the first moment the lights came up to our final kick line.

So there you go, Saskatoon delivers.


Mom said...

I think I've heard that Canadians are really appreciative of fine entertainment. But I've never heard that Canada was dry! Arizona, maybe. Not Canada! Maybe being in the mountains, so much closer to the sun, makes you dry.

Jessica Latshaw said...

i don't know what it is, but we're all experiencing it--my friend went out and bought eczema cream for the first time in her LIFE!!!

Anna K said...

I love the idea of the perfume neutralizer! I have been in boarding areas praying that I wouldn't end up next to a certain person because I could smell them so strongly!

Jessica Latshaw said...

Anna--I feel you. Strong smells really bother me and I think it's not the most considerate thing in the world to douse yourself with perfume before boarding a plane!