I have 28 shows left of A Chorus Line.
Even as I type this, it's hard to really comprehend. Already, there are some misty eyes in the cast as I look around the stage during the show. If the last few times we've had closing performances for cast members are any indication, I will probably cry like a baby at this final closing.
But then again, this time I am more than ready to go home.
Maybe that will make a difference.
But on the other hand, as much as we all talk about what a small world this business really is, how we're gonna see each other in New York, attend each other's openings and all that, this is never going to happen again.
This group of special people. Traveling together. Working together. Laughing together. Commiserating over how ridiculous an eleven 0'clock matinee really is and come on, Equity, we don't even get overtime for this breakfast show? Crying together. Divulging to each other that things aren't good, that life has recently become the kind of story over which you shake your head, you wonder how the heroine is ever gonna pull through, and yet you all pull on your gold hats and sequined tights and you smile for the audience and you sell it anyway. Again and again, you sell it and find some reprieve as you get lost in a different story on stage every day.
There is a bond that forms slowly, gradually, and after a while you realize that you love these people. After all the early morning bus calls to get to the airport God only knows much earlier than ever need be; the three weeks spent in Detroit that you managed to make fun despite it all; the notes, endless notes; the first wives club in which we all desperately miss our husbands, respectively; and please let's not forget Japan because that happened--after all this, something has happened and it's left a mark.
A good mark.
I will always love A Chorus Line.
But part of the reason that I don't want to re-sign this time is that I don't want to try to build all that with a new group of people. I don't want to look around and see the same costumes on the wrong people. I don't want to start over. I'm good. It's time to move on.
And I have 28 more shows to keep getting used to the idea of truly moving on. Another show. More gigs. Trading in The Alliance and creating a better, stronger alliance with my Drew.
But that doesn't mean I won't cry like a baby when the time really does come, you know.
But until then, 28 shows, folks. 28 shows.