There is an awful lot of green here in DC.
I did my best to join in the festivities by wearing my white t-shirt that says in bold, green block letters:
Little Green Tee
Honestly, it wasn't very hard to do since it is one of my favorites and I basically wear it every week anyway.
Oh, I also made a big contribution to this day by marrying a man who was born on St. Patrick's Day. And he's Irish. Not like should-be-in-Billy-Elliot-right-now Irish or anything, but still, more Irish than any of us in the Latshaw clan.
I mean, we have the Italian thing down for sure, but we just aren't Irish. Nothing personal.
But I figured wearing my shirt, combined with marrying Drew makes me festive today.
So don't ever say I don't support...
As an actress, it can be very tempting to rely on the audience for feedback. And I don't mean hanging around the front of the theater directly after the show as the audience is pouring out, hoping to get recognized and applauded up close and personal--no, I mean gauging their response during the actual show.
Being painfully aware of their presence while you are the one in the spotlight.
Or wonderfully aware of it, as the case may be.
Hanging on their applause. Their laughter. Their silence.
I know we aren't supposed to go for the laughs. But let me tell you, making an audience laugh can give you such a high--so you can imagine how easy it is to get to the place where you do, in fact, go for the laugh.
Especially if you have found something that works. A certain way you say something, a certain look you make--well, if it works, then why not do it again? And if that works? Then maybe you have a bit...you know, some shtick that cracks people up, and that is gold.
But the thing is you cannot rely too heavily upon the audience's reaction. Because it changes. You might not change a single thing about your performance, but on Wednesday night you could get hoots and hollers and on Thursday night you get a big fat silence. Or you know, polite applause. Or something that never ceases to amaze me--just the person sound asleep in the front row where they can clearly be seen and clearly do not realize it. And if you are anywhere near me if I am one day sitting in the front row of a live performance (I don't care if it is the JCC putting on Fiddler on the Roof or if it's the opening of the latest Broadway show) and I happen to fall asleep, for the love of all that is good, wake me up.
But anyway, you could really go crazy deciding whether or not you are good enough by the audience's praise or lack thereof. And you might just end up changing your mind a lot.
Right, so it can all be quite confusing.
Which is why I try to take it all in stride...Um, try being the operative word.
And remember this post?
Well, I am a very curious person. It's in my nature to ask questions, to find out how people feel about something; what they think about this or that.
And when it is pertaining to me?
Anyway, like I had previously mentioned, I replied to the person who had written a message that felt (to me, anyway) judgemental. Especially since there was no dialogue precipitating it, no hey how are you? to sort of let me speak my heart to her before she decided what kind of person I am.
I waited for a while and got nothing in response which frustrated me since, if she really wanted to help me find my way back to God, as she put it, then why wouldn't she show me she cared for me?
So, I sent her a short message:
Hey--I was just wondering if you had received my response to your message. I hadn't heard from you...Hope things are well for you and your family! --Jessica
And in what had to be close to about five minutes after the time I sent it, I received this:
Yes I did. We are very blessed. Hope all is well with you.
In my prayers, So-and-So
So I guess she doesn't care to talk to me. And again, I got a little bit sad about it because if she had felt compelled by some sort of compassion to write to me in the first place wouldn't that same compassion make her a). rejoice that, whether she believes me or not, I do at least think I have a relationship with God? or b). want to keep talking to me so that she can shed some further light on me, or at the very least be friendly towards another soul?
I just really don't understand people sometimes.
But I guess that isn't necessarily my job.