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Sunday, June 8, 2008

may be sensitive to light, and certain comments, and secrets, and jokes, and most people...

        I am feeling sensitive today.  Overly so, I would say.  I think I miss home; I miss people who know me really well and make it so that I don't have to try--I can just be.  Poor Drew, I wasn't too nice to him on the phone earlier and he doesn't deserve a grumpy wife.  I am feeling easily irritated by others, and getting hurt too easily.  For instance, a good friend of mine in the cast was talking with me when a girl sidled up to him mid-conversation (our conversation, by the way).  She obviously had something to say (to him),  and so he pointedly looked at me and said, Sorry, it's secret time.  Ouch.  It was just a stupid little thing, that if pressed, I am sure he would have said he was joking.  I mean, really not a big deal...Right?  But, I felt that little pang deep inside that reminds me I am always, irrevocably human.  That I cannot escape the awful fact that others have the power to hurt me--sometimes knowingly, sometimes not--but still, they hold too much power, in my opinion.  And sometimes I really hate it.  Because they go trotting on merrily, reveling in their secrets and loving their lives, and I am left feeling hurt and then feeling stupid and embarrassed that I even cared enough for them to hurt me in the first place.  Oh, the joy of having a sensitive heart, and though this may be sexist to say, being a girl.   Ok, let's take the sexist-factor out of it, and for the purpose of being specific, say being this girl.               

              I think I should start a group.  It will be called Overly Sensitive Anonymous, OSA for short (and because acronyms are so professional, not too mention impressive--admit it, you weren't so sure about Overly Sensitive Anonymous, but as soon as you read OSA, you were like yeah, that's a great idea, Jess, and if you weren't like that, please remember how sensitive I am right now and maybe you can just pretend to be like that. For my sake. Please?).  In this group, we will all think very long and hard before we say anything at all--just to make sure that we don't accidentally say something that could, in certain situations or by certain individuals, be taken the wrong way and, God forbid, hurt someone.  We won't judge someone for being hurt or say that they really shouldn't feel hurt--we will understand that they need their feelings to be validated.  Because to them, to us, feelings or perception equal reality.  We will cry together and not allow secrets, because secrets secrets are no fun and secrets secrets hurt someone.  And unfortunately, that someone was me. Earlier tonight.  Or did you forget?  Wait, don't tell me--cause if you did, then that could hurt my feelings. Again.    
            Alright, so maybe that is overboard.  Because here is the thing: I don't like it when I feel this way.  I understand that every little thing that hurts me is not necessarily wrong on the offender's part.  Sometimes, to put it plainly, I am just too darn sensitive.  Sometimes, I need to step back and realize that someone didn't intend to hurt me, or that objectively speaking, the situation really wasn't bad.  I am much better at this now then when I was say, 8 years old (I know, I know, you don't need to applaud too long for my staggering leap of maturity from 8 years old to now).  
            I have a very distinct memory of my whole family being in the living room of a beach house we had rented and my oldest brother, Josh, teasing me.  I was wearing shorts that I suppose, did not have the strongest elastic and had slipped below my waist band.  This gave cause for Josh, in a sing-song voice, to say to me, I see somebody's underpants, I see somebody's underpants...Well, I think I have already mentioned that I was a very modest little girl and the thought of him not only seeing my underpants, but announcing it to the world (which happened to just be my family at that point, but still) horrified me.  I immediately ran upstairs and just cried and cried...
          Looking back, and with my amazing amount of maturity I now have, I realize that Josh really wasn't being mean to me.  In fact, I just recently said that same thing to Ollie, my nephew, and we both laughed.  Again, it was a case of being too sensitive--which is something that I don't want to be.  I don't want people to have to walk on egg-shells or handle me with kid gloves (except maybe Drew can, every once in a while).  I want others to be able to make fun of me--goodness knows, I sure enjoy dishing it out sometimes.  So maybe OSA will be less of a place to enable the Bleeding Hearts of the world, and more of a place to talk some sense into them (into me).  
        But still--can't people at least refrain from telling secrets in front of me?  Come on, that's hurtful at 5 and it's hurtful at 95.  Oh, and you want to hear something funny?  Today, my most sensitive of days, Perez Hilton finally came to see A Chorus Line.  My dear friend, John, pulled some strings and got him an amazing ticket.  I went out to say hi to him by the stage door afterwards (and to get a pic of he and I for Jenna), and politely asked him if he enjoyed himself. To my utter surprise he proceeded to say, I hated it. I hated everything about it.  Nothing happened and there were too many characters, making it so that I didn't care about anyone. There was no intermission, and I was very dehydrated.  And that lady, Carrie (he meant Cassie, but oh well), who was supposed to be this amazing dancer finally did her solo and it was terrible...
        Well, don't hold back your true feelings on my account, Perez Hilton.  Lol.  I did talk to him for a while, but I ended it with, Thanks for seeing the show and sorry that you hated it!  Oh, and apparently if you take a picture of yourself wearing his new clothing line being sold at Hot Topic, then he will post the pic on his site.  So, there's that.  I really don't mind at all that he hates the show, either--honestly, it was rude of him to say it so bluntly, but I think it's funny all the same.  So see--this president of OSA is making a little headway, maybe.  
       Now, if he had told a secret to someone else in front of me, that would be a whole other matter.  
         

23 comments:

jason said...

OH MY GOODNESS Perez... what a HIDEOUS Opinion!!! WOW. That's CRAZY. My respect=o=meter for him just went way down, like it's currently below the core of the earth and rapidly heading towards China.

What an uninformed, crazy opinion.

Maybe it's better when he just doesn't talk!

Anyway, yes it's horrible to be overcome by sensivity, and us Latshaws aren't so good at it. Maybe it has to do with looking Russian.

And secrets stink so much that they should be illegal.

But who knows, hopefully Monday will be better and you'll get to see Ollie in his underpants again.

joshusa said...

i feel very strange about my role in this latest blog. when i read it i just ran upstairs and cried.
Maybe it is a genetic thing. I know whenever there was a new record out I would be consumed with nerves and anxiety waiting for the reviews and the response from fans. it didn't matter that generally it was so positive and i was lucky to even be in a position to where reviews existed for me (does that make sense?) the few negatives would overwhelm me. i would compulsively read them and internalize them and give them a lot more weight than they deserve.
oh and Perez? His main talent is drawing a penis on people. If he was four he would get in trouble! He is a leech that survives on the misery of others. please he is a footnote.

Jessica Latshaw said...

I know, guys, Perez was pretty rude! Jase, you should have heard how upset John Carroll was about the whole thing...

And Josh, I love the new patriotic take on your name! And you are right--reviews are strange in general. In fact, our stage manager has a rule that nobody can bring reviews into the theater. Period.

Darby said...

I am so mad I can't even write a worthy comment. At the party, I overheard Perez--Mario--whatever the hell his name is--saying about someone, "OH.... he's a NOBODY...."

What kind of trauma do you endure as a child to turn out that way?

I am by nature a compassionate person, and so I am trying to tell myself that he must be a very insecure walking mass of issues. Unfortunately, if you mess with someone I care about, I become completely and entirely like a raging and protective mother bear. After hearing what he said to you, I admit that (out of earshot of my children) I have been ranting in my native second language and quite unkind in my descriptions of this man who makes a living being the leech of which Josh so appropriately spoke.

All of that to say, I can't believe he said that to you! I'm glad you thought it was funny. But he is just WRONG. The show is phenomenal.
And about the first part of your blog.... being a sensitive girl has its merits, too. :) Ain't no shame in it!

KathieK said...

To truly be a card-carrying member of OSA, you would be wondering why other OSA members (who were thinking long and hard before saying anything that would hurt or offend you) were ignoring you by not speaking to you!;)

I think this Perez person is a member of the rapidly-growing and not-so-anonymous group called: "I Have An Over-Inflated Opinion Of Myself", which is not anonymous for obvious reasons. (Or am I being too harsh?...must be that protective thing Darby wrote about)

peaj said...

People, people...

In the case of Perez Hilton, it wasn't a case of him being rude (so much) or crazy (so much) as it was him being an Entertainer, doing his shtick.

The Rolling Stone called him The Queen of Mean. The New York Times titled their article Love Him or (He Prefers) Hate Him. This is his niche in the blogosphere - to pooh pooh everything. It doesn't matter what he really thought of the show, he's going to say he hated it. If he could have been so rude and have gotten Jess to say something rude back, then he would have gotten a great post out of it. It's just what he does. Sad, but I guess inevitable that someone would make it their Thing.

Jess, this post shows me just how little I know you. I always thought that you were bulletproof. It wasn't that I thought nothing could ever hurt you, but that you lived in this little bubble of Total Assurance of Love(TM) that just acted like a force field to deflect away anything harmful. Guess I missed it. Now I understand why, when I have had an impulse to post joshing (sorry, joshusa) things here, I've felt that little reminder that such things don't work so well in writing. I hope I listened to the Spirit in these things.

But we appreciate your sensitive side. It helps make you a great performer. It makes you a great worshiper and songwriter. It allows you to hear the Spirit better. Sensitive is good, if sometimes difficult.

Jenna said...

I'm gonna change things up a little and stand up for Perez. As you know (jess) i love him. His job is being rude and telling things how it is and i love people like that. But i do think he could have been nicer to you. Even if he hadn't of liked the show he should have at least tried to lie a little. I don't like how he was rude to you and if he hurt you're feeling i am sorry about that. Just remember this is his job and he gets paid for gossiping and being mean. Now if only i could get a job like that....

JoshAMERICA said...

jenna, just doing your job as an excuse didn't work for nazis and it will not work for Perez. (I hate the city and now i hate the blah-ger) I hate people who make money on the back of true talent such as Perez. He is starting a label soon so he will be extra hatey...How awesome would it have been for Jess to just punch him in the face? No response just a smack in his doughy countenance.

jason said...

I still enjoy his website, put in person he's a massive disappointment. No way around it. And it's one thing to tell it like it is, it's quite another to give such an ill-informed review of a true classic of the stage. It shows that not only does he not have any artistic talent, but he also can't appreciate it either... (which is quite a skill, actually).

A Chorus Line resonates so strongly with creative people, it's storyline is exactly why artistic people do what they do... for someone to admit they hate it is for them to admit they don't have any creative sensibility.

I love Joshamericaloveitorleaveit's new patriotic moniker's.

The Drew said...

Every time I see OSA, I think of Obstructive Sleep Apnea.

And, honestly, I've never see Perez Hilton, don't know what he does, and never want to.

I vote for the punch to the face next time.

jonathan said...

Jess

I hate being overly sensitive as well. And the frustrating thing is that even when you know you shouldn't be, sometimes it just takes over.

Did you end up picking you lip when that dude hurt you?

jonathan said...

Oh and I think that Perez has the freedom to not like Chorus line but to tell you that bluntly is where he messed up. I mean, you asked him his thoughts and you want genuine feedback but he went too far. That wasn't cool. And to top it off, you were a key performer in the show! Rude.

mindy said...

Being a sensitive person is a tough row to hoe, and you my friend, have chosen a career that will inevitably chasten some of that. Perez's comments were hurtful and the epitome of spoiled brat richness, but could anyone really have expected him to be any better? It's his juicy, open-sore-like, redorrick (does anyone have a clue on how to spell this word?) that has allowed him to EVEN be recognized in Hollywood. And in the end we all do what we must to feel fulfilled. Do you know how crazy it is that you even chit chat with Perez Hilton? Weird...

mindy said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
mindy said...

sorry for the double comment... i should know better... it's, um, the computer's fault...

KathieK said...

Miss Mindy, the spelling is "rhetoric".

As far as what's his name is concerned, he would probably enjoy the fact that we are talking about him so much.

What a wacky world we live in, that someone could achieve celebrity not for any positive contribution he makes to society, but for being rude and obnoxious. He is not the first and he surely won't be the last.

Jess, I am praying that God guards your heart, that He enables you to be as wise as a serpent and as gentle as a dove. Blessings on your head, sister.

jason j said...

I'm with JoshUSA#1,
Perez Hilton is a sad side effect of American celebrity pop culture. Why the heck would anyone care what he thinks about anything?

Jenna said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
jason j said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Jessica Latshaw said...

Hey Guys--

I love all your feedback and want you to feel free to write whatever you want. Just want to let you know that I was not being big brother, but removed a few comments at the request of a commenter.

Oh-and p.s. I realize what Perez Hilton's job is, but he was attending the show with a friend of somebody in the show (my friend, John--who had called the NYC office to get him a great ticket, free of charge). And was not coming as Perez, he came as Mario. Himself-so that might make a little bit of a difference. Also, none of us in the show are famous people--we would not make interesting news for him, so his "entertaining rudeness" was not necessary in this case.

But still--it really didn't hurt my feelings on a personal level. I understand that not everyone will like what I do (just almost everyone:). I was just a little surprised at his amazing bluntness. It was certainly an interesting night--and gave us a lot to talk about at the theater!

Thanks again for all your comments--you rock!

Jessica Latshaw said...

oh and jonathan--luckily, I was wearing lipstick for the show, so did NOT pick my lip.

Susan Marie said...

Ummm... who is Perez Hilton? (ever feel like you got to the party late?)

Actually, Jason looked him up for me on Wikipedia- so you don't have to tell me. I just thought I'd inject a bit of levity into this thread by being my own, uninformed self!

min said...

Hey thanks, Kathy! I figured that out after I got up from the computer and it rattled around in my head for a while.

Jessica, YOU rock for writing so well. And Perez, Perez who? Amy Adams is worth talking about, now that is cool stuff!