you gotta know when to hold em

Texas traffic is crawling outside of my window. Tractor trailers are methodically plodding along, their drivers probably not in a hurry anyway since they are getting paid no matter what. Or maybe they are a little anxious cause they are under a deadline, in which case they are cursing the three lane highway, the urban sprawl, and the oven that is Texas right now. It's not like they can sit fully immersed in water as they drive.

Which, in my opinion, is really the only acceptable option in terms of being outside here.

Which is why I spent my afternoon in the pool.

And I very well might spend every afternoon just like that for these couple of weeks.

But anyway.

I am so annoyed with myself right now. See, I had the very slightest beginnings of a pimple and so I decided to dig in there and make it much much worse.

Because now I am left with an open wound right by my mouth, at worst leaving people to assume that I have an STD and at best causing the scab to crack and hurt every time I smile. And believe me, I'd much rather trade the very slightest beginnings of a pimple for the huge scab/wound/goiter that I am now sporting.

And this got me to thinking...Maybe life can sort of be like this. Yeah, it's probably one of the least attractive and unromantic metaphors that are in existence today (when you think of it in terms of the pimple), but sometimes we dig and prod and pry when really things would be much better if simply left alone.

If we just tried some patience on for size.

Sometimes I do this with Drew. I know our hot buttons, I know the things that can easily lead to The Tense Time. And yet, when I feel upset about anything at all, I inevitably bring it around to those. I prod and pry and am left with a big ugly scab that heals, yes, but wasn't necessary in the first place and stands as a direct result from me not just leaving things be.

I am not saying that you should ignore problems.

I am simply saying that, like the song goes, You gotta know when to hold em, know when to fold em and sometimes I just plain don't. I find myself talking and talking when really I should have just held my tongue or at the very least shut up after my first few sentences weren't exactly what the doctor ordered.

Anyone else have a hard time not digging into things that would be better left alone?

back and right now happy to be so

I really do enjoy the opening night parties.

And tonight's was a doozy. They say everything is bigger in Texas, and I guess the parties fall under that category too.

A lamborghini and ferrari salesman here in Dallas is an apparent lover of theater as well, since he hosts all the touring shows that come through. Um, in his mansion.

Nice.

Stacked on the winding staircase in the entryway of the house were gift bags in varying bright colors. They gave us all gift bags. And among some of the articles within these bags are snacks. Which works out perfectly for me since I happen to be a big fan of snacks. And this is in addition to the vase and huge bouquet of flowers that are gracing each of our dressing stations, as well as a card to welcome us.

And that's not all, though it would certainly be more than enough. They are also catering all of the meals that fall between double show days.

Golden, folks; this is golden.

Southern hospitality is doing just fine here in Dallas, I can assure you.

But while Southern hospitality is doing just fine, I am feeling exhausted. Blitzed, as my mom would say. I am almost too tired to tell you that my favorite part of the party was the amazingly talented pianist who was kind enough to sit back for a second and let me play and then when I gave him back his seat he asked me what I knew and so he and I together filled the room with some Beatles, James Taylor, and Sarah MaClachlan.

I sang, and boy can he play those keys.

I am also almost just too tired to let you know that the show went really well tonight; that having a week off seemed to give it a shot in the arm and that I truly enjoyed playing Kristine.

Minus the stabbing pains every time I took a deep breath.

And I am almost too tired to say that, despite my ribs being what they are right now, the rest of my body feels great and I sort of wouldn't mind taking a week off every week.

Or at least every other week, since it is my job after all and so I should probably you know, do it.

last night

We got up this morning and went, went, went, not stopping until...well, now, I suppose.

See Drew has all sorts of ideas.

His latest was hosting a Mexican feast for our family tonight.

Our family of twenty-one people.

Now neither of us are particularly seasoned, so to speak, in the kitchen--but that fact didn't occur to him. At least not until I mentioned the sentiment this morning and he simply shrugged it off.

So I did too.

And the most fun part of the prepping?

Mashing up the avocados to make the guacamole. It made me actually happy; happy to look at the bright green color and decide that I agree with God's choice for that particular fruit and happy to squish it between my fingers.

Drew was busy browning 10 lbs of beef while juggling the rice and the refried beans.

And we were both parrying our cats with the spare hand that we didn't have.

Oh, I also gathered some of my clothes together to give away to my nieces and sisters-in-law. It's not that I don't like them (ah, them being the clothes); quite the opposite, in fact. It's just that I have so many that I am trying to get rid of excess stuff. So I was ruthless today: if I hadn't worn something in a while, then it was put in the Up For Grabs Pile and that was that.

Almost everything was taken, too, and I am going to enjoy seeing my clothes on all these people that I love.

My four year old nephew Eli, however was nonplussed as he looked through it all.

Do you have any boy's clothes? He asked in his husky little voice.

Sorry little buddy, I replied, I don't because they're all my clothes that I am giving away.

With his voice raising a little higher, he said, Well then--can you buy some?!?!

Guess I owe the little guy an outfit.

He did, however, get the mask that I wore when I was Robin Girl for halloween last year, so it's not like he went away empty handed or anything.

Last night at home for a bit.

Again.

Not so bad this time, though. I will be gone just shy of two weeks, am only going to be in one city, have only packed one suitcase, and will be staying with the trusty Alliance. My ribs aren't feeling great, but they are certainly better than they were. I am trusting that they will keep improving and I will be back to touching-my-foot-to-the-back-of-my-head again in no time.

Well maybe, like, a little time.

But hopefully not too much...

sandy handed boys, owls who are not owls, and my own silly self

Summer time sand.

In your hair.

On your skin.

Under your fingernails as you keep digging in.

Might as well admit right now that Drew isn't the only young man in my life.

Might as well give you photographic proof.

Cause here they are, Ollie, Eli, and Judah,
managing to look cool despite holding their hands in that I-really-need-to-rinse-them kind of way. You know, the beach kind of way.

And in the background you can see my sister Jenna, my sister-in-law Darby, and my brother Jonathan, doing their part to get sandy too.

Oh, and Drew and I adopted an owl.

A black one.
Okay, not really, but doesn't Percy look like one? She's not, though; she's totally feline, she's just really good at looking like an owl sometimes.
And looking like a cat most other times. What can I say, she's got game.

And one more thing.

This is what happens when you are me.

When you really don't get technology all that easily.

Or don't really have the patience for it.

Not when all you're trying to do is take a picture.

One silly picture.

And you end up taking...well, this.

I'll probably eat a hamburger next 4th of July too

I don't know why I am so exhausted.

Maybe because I have been doing a lot of this.
Well, that's actually Drew and our nephew Ollie. But still. I did it, too.

Just not as much as them.

And maybe that's why my ribs are hurting so much still.

But enough about the ribs, right?

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Drew is currently playing a cd that we bought on our honeymoon in California. We bought it because it's a classical artist, William Joseph (who has one of those names in which the first and last are interchangeable, making it really easy to mix up and call him Joseph William by mistake and yes, I've done it more than once), who happens to cover Muse, a band we really love.

The music brings me back to the Borders where we found it. And how excited Drew was to buy it. And how we immediately played it in our rented convertible red punch buggy complete with a flower on the dash that was supposed to have been a mustang convertible.

Turns out the fine print basically said that as long as the top comes down, they could rent you anything. And yes, Drew was a little sad that the mustang he thought he was gonna cruise around in was a girlie bug instead.

I didn't mind so much, though.

And red happens to be one of my favorite colors, so...

------------------------------------------------

It's the 4th of July. I ate a cheeseburger with friends. I watched some fireworks with more friends and family. I unintentionally wore a blue tank top and white shorts.

But even though I considered throwing something red into the mix, I changed shortly after, so it didn't last long.

The thing is, I really enjoyed the cheeseburger. It was delicious. And another thing is that I have a great amount of respect for vegetarians. A lot of the time I wish I could be one of them, I really do. I like the idea of not eating animals. Of eating tons of vegetables and Not Dogs and Boca Burgers. Of ketchup smothering it all so I don't hardly notice a difference anyway.

But.

I think everyone has a different journey and I fully believe that mine involves eating meat.

I. Just. Need. It.

Sometimes I get so hungry that the only thing that will satisfy me is meat. Chicken. Hamburgers. Steak. Ribs. Whatever, but something that is chock full of protein and will not leave me waking up at 3 am in search of something--anything!--to tide me over till morning.

Cause it happens, believe me.

Does anyone else feel this way?

Like I said, I have very admirable friends who are vegetarians and I would love to join their club. But I can't. Not now, anyway.

Not unless I can eat a hamburger while I take minutes for them.

In the back of my mind

The concept of time is strange. Confusing. Disappointing, even, in the way it always seems to speed up right when you're good and ready for a slow pace.

I wouldn't mind so much if time had gone by a little slower this week. Already, it's time to go home and I had been fixing my heart on this beach trip for a while now.

Oh well.

Drew always tucks something to look forward to in the back of his mind. Some might say that takes away from living fully in the present, but others might say it aids mightily in the whole process of fostering hope.

Now that this is no longer The Thing To Which I Look Forward, I suppose I should find something else...would it be too predictable for me to say it's the next time I get to come home? Would you rather me take a page out of someone else's adventure book and say that it's my forthcoming trip to Japan? Or maybe our almost positively forthcoming move to New York City? Because those things are exciting, yes, but I much prefer an adventure of the heart and that takes place best when I am home, I think.

It takes place best when I am with Drew, I know.

Not that I don't have some growing to do by myself. Or with roommates who unintentionaly say some off the cuff remark that makes me break down and cry at three am, leaving me vulnerable and glaringly aware of the fact that I am the only female in the house and my
sensitivity is as much a blessing as a curse sometimes.

Ah, people.
They manage to bring out the very best and very worst in us, don't they?

But all this to say that I am very much looking forward to my next trip home.

And to my ribs not hurting so much, because to be perfectly frank, they still do hurt. Especially when I play "monster" with my nieces and nephews and get jumped on as they courageously try to save whoever their fallen cousin in arms happens to be at the moment...but still, I'm smiling as I write this, they are that adorable and amazing.

Is there anything you're looking forward to that is tucked away in the back of your mind?

beaching

It's been a little while, I know.

And I'm sorry.

Part of it is because the place I am staying does not have one bit of wireless.

But it seems a fair trade for the ocean as our backyard, I'd say.

The other part is that I am at the beach with some of my favorite people in the world and well, nights are currently taken up with laughing until my ribs hurt even more. And then popping some tylenol.

And the days are being taken up by the sun and the waves and twenty or so of us leaving forty or so footprints as we quick step it through the hot sand and wish we hadn't kicked off our flip-flops quite so soon.

I had a few pictures I was going to post tonight, too; but the connection I currently found is not strong enough for that, so I am contenting myself with these words.

The beach is such an interesting place, isn't it?

I mean, it's kind of funny since most of us wear suits that leave not much to the imagination so there's that. And then there's the fact that it's the one place where it's just totally acceptable to pee right through your bathing suit into the ocean water, or rather, the world's largest toilet.

And don't try to tell me you don't do that.

But if you really don't, you should, if for nothing else but the momentary warmth that inevitably transpires.

Because it sure does get cold all up in there.

Just ask my brother, who is currently wearing a wetsuit in the water.

Well not currently as in now since it's 1:38 am and we all know that the evening is sharks' feeding hour and he's not that dumb. Not even close.

Currently as in this week.

And no, he doesn't surf.

We laugh at him some, but he does look quite warm and who doesn't like to be warm?

I myself take an ant's lifetime to even get into the water past my waist and even then spend most of my time holding my arms all bent and close to my torso like a T-Rex with those silly, superfluous little arms, thinking that somehow if my arms aren't as wet as the rest of my body I will be warm.

While in the meantime Drew starts running as soon as he drops his towel on the sand and doesn't stop until his feet hit the water and then he slaps a wave with the length of his body and bam! is completely wet and happy to be so.

Maybe that's indicative of how we live our lives.

Either way, we both end up wet and we both end up happy.