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Showing posts with label time. Show all posts
Showing posts with label time. Show all posts

Sunday, September 6, 2009

time

It's funny how time works. The way it just keeps going, moving along whether you want it to or not. I am actually pretty fascinated by it...I think back to when I started this job and it feels like a life time ago.


Walking into that big studio in Times Square.

Feeling like it was the first day of school, only my mom wasn't right next to me this time.

And yet at the same time, it is almost unfathomable that two birthdays have passed since I started this job.

Time works that way, doesn't it? Infinite, yet fleeting. Encompassing but can't come fast enough.

What brought this to mind is a picture I found the other night. Sometimes I like to go through my photos when I can't sleep or when I am missing home.

And one stood out to me.

I remember it perfectly, like it was yesterday.

Drew and I were walking on the pier in Chicago, clouds were billowed high over us, and we came upon a sign. It had arrows pointing different directions and the amount of miles to whatever big city was that way.

And yeah, Tokyo stood out.

Cause it was this place that I was going, but it still didn't seem real. At that moment, with Drew in Chicago, it was as real as the children we would have someday, the end of this tour, or even Christmas when it's only June.

It was the not yet.

And all of the moments that had to transpire until I left for Tokyo were daunting; all of the shows to do stateside, the meals to eat, nights to sleep through, weeks home to spend...But somehow all of those moments pile up and eventually tip the scale, making the line between the future and the present blur and suddenly what you thought was just a speck in the distance is staring you right in the face.

And you are saying good-bye and trying to be brave and wondering how that lump in your throat never seems to go down, not even with age, not even with it being the thirtieth time you're having to leave.

And now my trip to Japan has happened. Just like that. And yes, it was amazing...I actually think the question How is Japan? is a little hilarious. I mean, there is just so much to it. Do I mention the smells, how the air in even the 7-11 hangs heavy with the odor of fish? How I awake to purplish grey mountains outside my window? How people are crying in the audience every show; how they video us leaving the stage door and seem honored to shake our hands? How I got to play my music here in Tokyo and one of the emails I received afterward mentioned that my music was very friendly, among other things? Do I talk about the noodles, noodles, and more noodles? How the monkey wrapped himself around my leg, like I was a freaking tree? How I am now used to not being able to read one single thing in the subway? How I am physically in Japan, on the other side of the world, but well, there's this whole part of me, my imagination, I guess, that's back in America, that's in a small house with a man and two cats?

Or do I just smile and say Japan is amazing?

Cause it is.

And it's also a lot.

And how strange that here I was back in April, standing in Chicago while pointing towards Tokyo, a place I had never before been,

and now I have worked here for a month.

And now I get to go back home. And time is behind all of it.

Well, time and God, I suppose.

And guess what?

I never did figure out how to get to this theater here in Hyogo on my own.

And I am really okay with that.

Friday, July 3, 2009

In the back of my mind

The concept of time is strange. Confusing. Disappointing, even, in the way it always seems to speed up right when you're good and ready for a slow pace.

I wouldn't mind so much if time had gone by a little slower this week. Already, it's time to go home and I had been fixing my heart on this beach trip for a while now.

Oh well.

Drew always tucks something to look forward to in the back of his mind. Some might say that takes away from living fully in the present, but others might say it aids mightily in the whole process of fostering hope.

Now that this is no longer The Thing To Which I Look Forward, I suppose I should find something else...would it be too predictable for me to say it's the next time I get to come home? Would you rather me take a page out of someone else's adventure book and say that it's my forthcoming trip to Japan? Or maybe our almost positively forthcoming move to New York City? Because those things are exciting, yes, but I much prefer an adventure of the heart and that takes place best when I am home, I think.

It takes place best when I am with Drew, I know.

Not that I don't have some growing to do by myself. Or with roommates who unintentionaly say some off the cuff remark that makes me break down and cry at three am, leaving me vulnerable and glaringly aware of the fact that I am the only female in the house and my
sensitivity is as much a blessing as a curse sometimes.

Ah, people.
They manage to bring out the very best and very worst in us, don't they?

But all this to say that I am very much looking forward to my next trip home.

And to my ribs not hurting so much, because to be perfectly frank, they still do hurt. Especially when I play "monster" with my nieces and nephews and get jumped on as they courageously try to save whoever their fallen cousin in arms happens to be at the moment...but still, I'm smiling as I write this, they are that adorable and amazing.

Is there anything you're looking forward to that is tucked away in the back of your mind?